You Won’t Relent - Jesus Culture
You won’t relent until You have it all
My heart is Yours
I’ll set You as a seal upon my heart
As a seal upon my arm
For there is love that is as strong as death
Jealousy demanding as the grave
Many waters cannot quench this love
Come be the fire inside of me
Come be the flame upon my heart
come be the fire inside of me
Until You and I are one
For quiet a long time now, I have been a slave to my feelings. To people who thought they’ve met this awesome other person who’s not quiet what they expected but who definitely earn top spot on their Like list, to fellow beings who dreamed a dream so intensely it has become the reason for their breathing, I’m pretty sure you know what I mean.
I’m an extreme person. For reasons not clearly known to me, I feel things differently. More often than not, there can be no middle ground for me - it’s all or nothing, baby. And so I convinced myself I didn’t feel anything other than ‘like’ for this someone. I was pretty sure I can handle him. I was wrong. Not too long after I’ve been talking non-stop about him; and even though I said it was nothing and we’re just friends, I was smiling inside. Errr. So much for being neutral.
But there is something that no human being - opposite species or not - can beat as Number 1 on my Ultimate List: Medschool. For as long as I can remember, I dream of becoming a doctor. The bestest. I never wanted to do anything and be anyone else. I took up Nursing with the express intention of proceeding to Medicine afterwards. I have prayed and prayed, begging God to hear me. I tried to make deals and unconsciously did His works with an ulterior motive - to make up for this one dream that seems always within reach but not quiet on hand: a dream bigger than myself.
And so now, I have come to this. Today I am nothing. The person I talked about is as far from me as he could possibly be. My admission to medschool is still probational. But what’s amazing is this: Today I am nothing, but I have everything. I am happy. I have arrived at the point of no return, and His grace has found me just as I am - God took it all and made things new again. For some it might look like I’m stuck in a rut, but I’m actually in the best position, because now there can be no way to go but up.
You know the feeling of holding on to something so tightly, the thing just disintegrates in you hands? I have been like that. I’ve been holding on to my dreams and my wants, I didn’t realize I almost choked the life out of these things. Today my dreams are in my hands, but God has thought me to hold on to it gently, to offer it with open hands to Him, to trust that He knows way better than I do. I will be a doctor. But being on probationary admission because of my documents taught me to be humble. To not trust myself too much - to trust in Him instead.
Proverbs 16:9 says, "A man’s heart plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps” . And yes, He won’t relent until He has it all.